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Mon. May 20, 2024
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The lighter side: Pandemics and Zombies and Stuff
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By Sam Ward

I think I have figured something out. I don’t figure things out too often, so I thought this might be a good time to dust off my typewriter, so to speak. There seems to be a split in our fair land regarding how we view the current pandemic.

There are some people who feel the need to hunker down, (dang, I DO like that phrase hunker down) and there are those who feel the need to get back to work and go to the beach and a baseball game and stuff. I can understand that. I want to get back in the swing of things too. But there are some among us that act as though we aren’t even in a pandemic at all.

Well, the truth is, we as Americans are not really educated in pandemic 101. I mean … Unless you are a medical specialist of some kind, or a person prone to reading apocalyptic books, the only prior “education” you have comes from Hollywood. Now, in my admittedly limited Googling ability I have been able to find 4 pandemic movies from the last 30 years that I regard as rational and perhaps authentic. On the other hand, there are a total of 506 pandemic movies which include zombies. That’s it! The reason some people cannot understand this pandemic is because there are no zombies. I get it now.

We have been pandemically educated watching zombie movies of all kinds. Usually it all starts when some mysterious virus gets loose and folks start walking around dragging their feet and eating other folks.

There are 16 Nazi zombie movies, some Kung Fu zombie movies; There are king zombies, teenage zombies, and even nice-guy zombies. Some zombies are actually dead, and there are some that like to go by the title of “monster.” There are zombie gangs, and zombie yuppies. There is even a mermaid zombie. Some zombies are from outer space and some zombies, I don’t think are zombies at all … like vampire zombies. I think they are just vampires, but let’s not split hairs. There are beach zombie movies and a couple of Christmastime zombie movies to get you in the right spirit. There are even porn zombies in movies with lovely titles like, well, … never mind the titles.

Heck, I even get confused from time to time. So, zombies are NOT real, right? Of course, I would suggest that there might not really be that much difference between zombies and ourselves, and I think I can prove it. If you’d care to meet your own inner-zombie, you can introduce yourself. Just set your alarm for about 4:30 am. When the alarm goes off, walk, or stumble through the darkness to the bathroom. Fix your vision on the mirror and turn on the light. For about 2 seconds, you will see a zombie. Of course, there are those who claim you might see a vampire, but hey, … let’s not split hairs.

Sam Ward is a freelance illustrator living on the West Coast of Florida. His illustrations appear in magazines, newspapers, on book covers, packaging and advertisements both nationally and globally. As far as his humorous observations go, well, he’s just an ordinary guy who gets up in the morning in this crazy world and doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

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